Modren Dress and The Christian Woman: A Finer Line Than Your Yoga Pants

Here we go again, another common topic and probably the thousandth time you've heard some of these things, but I'm going to write about it anyways.

Modesty.
The one word that we can't seem to find a unified answer on.  Even in this post some will find this ultra conservative and others will find it too liberal.

So let's begin!
First we will define modesty:
1. Mariam Webster- a. the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities
b. the quality of behaving and especially dressing in ways that do not attract sexual attention

So in opposing modesty, you are advocating pride.
Moving on.

2. Wikipedia- is a mode of dress and deportment intended to avoid encouraging sexual attraction in others; actual standards vary widely

We want to avoid encouraging sexual attraction by just using our body. This is where the debate about whose job that really is comes up, but lets be honest we are called to help our brothers and sisters in Romans 14. People are going to be attracted to us whether our shirt is tight or not, the question is are we trying to encourage them to undress us with their eyes by literally wearing less dress?

And last but not least

3. The Bible-  it is only found in two places in the ESV translation: 1 Corinthians 12:23 and 1 Timothy 2:9
1 Corinthians 12:23 is in reference to how we are called to be parts of the body and how the unpresentable parts are the ones we treat with greater modesty.
1 Timothy 2:9 is the infamous passage about women not adorning themselves with gold and braided hair
Now these two references either seem irrelevant to this avenue of modesty or to this time period.  However they are both very relevant if you look into the context.

1 Corinthians 12:23 is referring to how we are each different parts of the body and that is the main lesson, the body of Christ functions if there are different people working together.  How it relates back to this post is the particular way modesty is used in this passage.  It is derived from the Greek word euschēmosynēn which is most commonly translated as decorum or becomingness. When it comes to the lesson it essentially is saying even though we think some parts are lesser than others, we often find ourselves taking better care of those parts that are deemed lesser.  The way we take care of those parts is in our modesty or sense of decorum.  Modesty is a way of placing value on something or showing that even if its often considered lesser, in reality its more important. So when it comes to being modest, you are not hiding yourself or ashamed of yourself, but rather placing importance, a sense of decorum and becomingness on your body.

For 1 Timothy 2:9 the Greek word is αἰδοῦς which is translated to shame-faced or modesty. You are probably thinking "wait didn't you just say it was not about shame, but about placing importance?" Track with me and I will help you connect the two.
Shamefaced is also a synonym for shy. So you are called to have a sense of shyness when it comes to your body. When someone is shy, does that mean they don't want to be known or don't want any friends? Not necessarily. They are just more careful about who they reveal themselves to. In being shy and shamefaced,  you are being called to be careful about the parts of yourself you are revealing to others and who its being revealed to. 

Phew! That's a lot of defining. Hopefully now you have a fuller understanding of what modesty is, especially how it is Biblical.

Now what does modesty practically look like for a woman? This is where it would be easy to list a bunch of no go outfits and how short is too short, but thats not going to fix the problem.  What I'm more concerned with and I know what God is more concerned with is what are the beliefs we are holding as we get dressed everyday.  We can easily just put a bunch of regulations, but if we don't have a full understanding, what are we gaining from our modesty? We are gaining nothing but self righteousness (trust me, this is where I tend to fall).

There are certain articles of clothing I would say violate these questions every time (like yoga pants because they are literally your butt and legs with a smooth black case, at least wear a shirt that goes past your butt). If you want to know those clothing articles ask, but right now I want this to be about helping your heart and mine to look at this through the biblical perspective of placing importance on our bodies and helping protect our brothers.

So let's ask ourselves these questions honestly as we are getting ready:

- Is what I'm wearing glorifying to God? (The answer of "God made my body so showing it off is glorifying" is not a real answer. Go read the above verses again) 1 Corinthians 10:31

http://blog.theshelvingstore.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Clueless-Clothes.jpg

- Am I being found prideful of my body and wanting other people to take a gander? Obadiah 1:3

- Are these pants or this shirt placing importance on my body by making parts of it rare like a diamond, or am I allowing for easy eye access like cubic zirconium?

- Is what I'm wearing going to be a stumbling block? Romans 14:13-19

- Am I more concerned with my comfort than the sin of my brother? Job 15:11


So are you willing to ask yourself these questions in a humble manner? Are you willing to let God in on a topic that the world seems to say is a matter of opinion? I'm tired of trying to find the perfect answer for this so I'm letting God mold me continually. I want to fight to let Him change my dress with age, with conviction and with the hope of glorifying Him through it all.

Or do you not know
that your body is a temple 
of the Holy Spirit within you,
whom you have from God?
You are not your own,
for you were bought with a price.
So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Art of Attraction

So you like someone and you want them to like you, am I right?  That’s why you clicked on this page. Or you are just wanting to know who I like and how I'm trying to catch his eye; either way you are here now so you might as well keep reading.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/crushes.html

I’ve liked a few guys in my day despite my unchanging single status, so I’ve learned a few things. One of those things is convictions on the art of attraction.

We live in the 21st century where the "there is no need to wait" mentality dominates our culture.  Dating is no exception.  More and more I am asked:

“Why don’t you just ask the guy out, it is the 21st century,”
“Maybe if you showed a little more interest,”
“You should tell more people so it can get back to him,”
“I can put in a good word for you."
"Why don't you just tell him."
"Flirt more."
"Where's your game?"

Do this do that, on an on; all these things that are telling me to change my game.

Now when people tell you these things they are honestly just trying to help you out and get you in the relationship that "should" make you happy. However when I look at this list and the mind set they were said in there are two things wrong with it.  The first is that you need to get in a relationship with this guy because that's the whole reason of liking someone.  The second is that you need to do something different in order for this to work out.

http://aboutworldlanguages.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/learn-685x317.jpg

Let's first address the idea you must date the person you like.  Have you ever thought maybe you are supposed to like the guy just to learn something about God?  Would you be content if you never dated your crush but learned a new aspect of God?  I'm not talking about eventual contentment after said crush is over, but while you are in the midst of the crush.  I'm learning about this concept right now in what seems to be a one sided attraction of mine.  He is different than my typical type and therefore God is clearly pointing me to a new concept that I wasn't grasping before.  I honestly couldn't have picked him as the guy I would like, but it jumped up and surprised me before I even knew what was going on.  What am I learning about God and myself in this is that I like this guy because he genuinely makes me a better, well for lack of a better word, 'me' in Christ.  He cannot only lead me, but in a way that best grows me.  Before, I tended to drift to the natural Christian leaders who were the coolest guys in the room and really high on the go getter attitude, which isn't a bad thing it just wasn't the best thing.  I thrive from being asked in and served and that's what I need in a relationship is a leader who is going to do those things.  So I might not ever date this guy, but I learned that for God to best be glorified in any relationship of mine I need this natural encourager.  And who knows I might have to go through liking 10 more guys before I'm done learning about what kind of relationship is going to create the most glorifying situation and still end up called to singleness. That doesn't change that God is still good and that he should be sought first in every situation.

The second is changing how you act.  Most people will tell you to be extra encouraging or be extra this or that, but I'm saying stop trying so hard. You are probably thinking "come on Madison, how can we ever get married if we don't give the men encouragement?"  You know what I say to this question... whose hands are you leaving your future in with a statement like that? "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding"(Proverbs 3), ever hear that one? Try actually walking in it because its tough (and I am awful at it)! But that's exactly what this is about, giving God control; and that the upping the encouragement concept completely defeats the point. I'm not asking you to change your personality completely and I'm not asking you to not like someone; what I am asking you to do is to check yourself and your intentions. Enjoy the times when you are around your crush and be yourself, sometimes there is natural encouragement in those things. If you are like me and you have a hard time showing anything at all, be that! You were designed to be unwavering around your crush because God is going to use that characteristic for you, not against you. Maybe its even to challenge the men around you to step up in the uncertainty.  Stop over thinking, over acting, over saying and just start praying.  (If you tend to shut down and don't trust your personality then that's another issue that will be covered in the future.  That's when you need to trust that you aren't stupid or going to do something stupid because God has created wonderfully.)  And if he isn't encouraging you in what you are doing, but causing you to be embarrassed, then he clearly isn't making you out to be a better woman of God.

I don't want to be in a relationship down the road and see that it started from one of these suggestions. This list is making me out to be a different person than I am and allowing my manipulative sinful side to take over.  The fall of man happened when Eve manipulated the situation and Adam was passive; so let's change the culture with us women stopping the manipulation and that requires the guys to be more active. The ultimate take away is this: that it is all about God anyways and so whatever you do needs to be done for his glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), whether you end up dating or not.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?
Or am I trying to please man?
If I were still trying to please man,
I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10

Mirror Mirror On the Wall

Everywhere I look I see this concept that recently has plagued me.

Its on the TV, in books, magazines, newspapers, movies, billboards, other ads, on my facebook/twitter newsfeed... the point is that this concept is everywhere.

What I am talking about is image.

Orthofill Blog http://www.orthofill.com/blog/gap-bands/quick-steps-to-become-beautiful/

All of these media outlets have women that beg us to compare ourselves to them and say their image wins over our own.  Its so sad to the point that it is teaching us the thought process of who doesn’t fit and leads to picking on others.
I remember the first time someone picked on me:
“Isn’t that your sister over there; I wish those genes ran through the family.”
Honestly I can't blame them because its how we have been trained, to hold up examples over others and how we are supposed to match those examples.

From a young age we are trained to be the most beautiful enamoring woman in the room.  Snow White told me that the fairest one of them all won the prince and ruled the kingdom.  Little Mermaid taught me to do anything to fit in with a crowd I wanted to be a part of.  Cinderella told me that a transformation into the beauty of the ball gets the prince’s attention.  Now calm down Disney lovers, I still enjoy these movies, I am just pointing out how the media loves beauty in general.

Upon entering into adulthood you are immediately bombarded with image ideals and if you didn’t learn the lessons of beauty when you were younger, you are considered behind.  There are the obvious signs of obsession with our bodies in the amount of weight loss commercials and the Victoria Secret commercials.  Then you have the commercials where there is a woman with a barbie doll figure and little clothing, and she is advertising a hamburger.  She is literally advertising meat by subjecting herself as a piece of meat.  Miley has gained recent popularity by exposing herself and we keep dogging her but what about the people who advertise it and take the pictures?  Less clothing and seduction is what gets attention.

Switching gears slightly, I want you to think of a woman who you believe is beautiful.
Was it you?
Doubt it. (If it was you, you have great self-esteem, but please feel free to continue to read and walk along this journey and even comment tips.)

Let me start by telling you that you are beautiful; I don’t even have to know you but I can tell without a doubt that you are beautiful.  Here’s why I am so confident in this statement:

Image itself is not a bad thing.  We were made in God’s image and He formed us in the womb.  What plagues us is the human conditions we have put on image.  It has been misconstrued to the point of broken hearts, fallen tears, and regrets.
 "You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. and your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you , declares the Lord.But you trusted in your beauty and played the whore because of your renown and lavished your whorings on any passerby; your beauty became his." Ezekiel 16:13b-15

Ezekiel is telling us of how we have strayed from God, that we are giving our beauty over to others and literally calls us whores.  We are betraying are creator for worldly image, we are trading are beauty for the world's view.

What God is showing me, and what I hope He is revealing to you, is this: we are mistaking a worldly thing for a Godly thing.  We know God created beauty, but never in the Bible does it define it as a size 2-4, perfectly proportioned, big soft eyed, symmetric-faced woman.  It also never ever calls a woman by slang terms of hot and sexy.  What the Bible says is this:

“You are absolutely beautiful my darling with no imperfection in you.” Songs of Solomon 4:7

“For all the gods of peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary." Psalm 96:6 

Beauty is in his court and these worthless idols they are nothing compared to what He has created in you and has prepared for you in heaven. There is no prerequisite in the Bible of looking a certain way or showing skin in order to get God's attention.  You come as you are and God says that you are his creation and on top that he desires you.   He desires me?! Are you kidding me, that’s the greatest news ever; God wants me and He wants you.  He doesn't require all of this stress over image, he wants you as you are.  Allow this to free you to listen to His voice that is wooing you and forming you, why else would we have the story of Hosea (in Hosea) and how he has to repeatedly win back his prostitute wife?  We are the whores from Ezekiel confused by the world we blindly choose, we are Hosea's wife, and God is still trying to win us back.

SO next time an ad makes you feel like you need to do something, don't get caught up in it.  Realize you were made for more.

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3: 3-4
 

Hopelessly Devoted

“What your mind dwells on, 
your heart will cherish, 
  and your feet will follow.”
 -Anonymous

This is one of my all time favorite quotes.  You can literally apply it to anything, but in this case I’m going to apply it to how we relate to boys.

So you like a guy, and whether you have liked him for a long time or its a blooming crush, everyone can relate to one of these phrases:

"Thinking of Him" by Roy Lichtenstein

“I love him so much”

“he doesn’t understand what he does to me when he acts like that” 

“why doesn’t he see it”

“he is just so pretty”

“he texts me all the time”

“I can’t handle being around him”

“I could just see us being together”
“I don’t want to give up on my feelings”
“I catch him looking at me sometimes”
“I just get excited to see him”
“I feel like he wants my attention”
“Just look at how intentional he is”
"I hate when we are in a room and he doesn't talk to me; he probably knows"
"we danced together"
"we had a meaningful conversation"

Etc. etc.....

It is okay to say these things but let me ask you this: why are you saying these phrases?
A lot of the time the answer is you have been dwelling on this guy in your thought life.  

If you are thinking about him all the time, of course you are going to like him.  You start to see the good in him (the things Jesus has redeemed) as well as the things that normally attract you.  Before you know it you are head over heels and he literally has done nothing to encourage it, only things you have blown out of proportion have encouraged these feelings.  (See the connection from head to heart?)

Blog: Pieces of Me, He Gives Me Caterpillars

Now its story time:
Once upon a time there was a guy and... well me (let’s be real).  We met and were great friends pretty quickly.  The more time I spent around him, I began to think about him all the time.  I had some friends convinced he liked me because I would talk about things such as the time we spent together, similar interests, we would look for when he was looking at me (see some of the above list).  The point is I was not engaging God about him.  I started to pray that I would learn from the situation, and God did teach me; but that was just surface level spiritually.  Then I prayed for God to take it away because it became clear it was not good for me and there was no way he could actually like me; in this I learned a little more but still not deep enough.

Then God brought it to my attention “He must increase, but I must decrease” John 3:30.  This comes from the story of John the Baptist where he had prepared the way and had many followers, but he rejoiced in Jesus growing more popular than he because John knew Jesus was the only source of true joy. My control over my thoughts must decrease, God in them must increase because only true joy can be found in Him; not the circumstances I found myself in with a boy.  Once learning this lesson I still liked the guy for awhile, but God was what I dwelt on.  God's beauty far surpassed the guy I liked and there was no need to look for hope in a relationship with him because I already had a beautiful one with God. This major crush eventually dwindled away because God decided that it wasn’t time for it and it was His to control. (So if any boys are reading this no need to try and figure it out)

http://www.inspired-art.com/inspiredartworks/home.html

With all this being said this doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up.  Clearly I have done this myself and many others have and we will continue to do this; we are going to mess up because we are all sinners. This also doesn’t mean that the guy doesn’t like you or that you will stop liking the guy. 
Its as simple as this: instead of looking for potential signs of romance with man, look for the definite signs of romance with God. All of it is just allowing God to be what you are dwelling on in your mind, so you will cherish Him in your heart, and follow Him with your feet.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

Learning About the Heart

I don’t know what has brought you to this blog, what made you want to read it and honestly if you even want to listen to it.  I am just writing what I have learned in hopes of processing out loud to learn even more and hopefully you can learn from my experiences.

So this obviously is directed towards girls and its going to be a lot about my heart and how it relates to guys and relationships and how God is somehow working through all of it... (gosh another site on this) but hopefully you will find my perspective a little different.  

I guess you should know a little about me for this to be able to work.

I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve never been kissed.

Now before those who feel like they have ‘baggage’ stop here just listen to how these experiences led me to learn more about my heart as a woman, you might recognize a few things.

I grew up a tom boy so I am great at playing the role of ‘just friend’.  I was perfectly fine with this role until high school.  Oh the dreaded years of high school, no I wasn’t bullied over it at all.  What happened to me was this, I let myself get distracted by the world.  God had saved me at a young age which had given me clarity to just dive in deeper with Him and just want to know Him more.  All of a sudden in high school all of my friends were dating and apparently I didn’t get the memo.

My immediate thought was what is wrong with me? Why was I not the one who was chosen? Was there nothing special about me that made a guy want to pursue me? God created marriage so shouldn’t it be something I strive toward and to have this don’t I need a guy to pursue me?

The progression of how badly I thought of myself just spiraled from there.

1. It started off innocent enough that I just don’t know how to flirt (which is true) and that’s why no one pursued me.  I just didn’t know how to show interest.

Picture from Natural Beauty Haven

2. The next step after awhile was, ‘well its got to be more than the flirting I feel like a guy could get pass that, it has to be my tom boyish ways;’ and enter the nightmarish experimenting with make-up phase.  I had been complimented on my eyes over the years and so thats what I focused on when I first started doing my make-up.  Needless to say when you feel like you have to compensate instead of just playing around with it, I over did the mascara and eye-liner; I looked like a raccoon.

3. When the changing my tom-boyish ways didn’t work, the worst and final phase was something was physically wrong with me.  Now I trusted God had made me a certain way for a certain reason so I didn’t think about altering myself in any way, but gosh did I think that my certain way was ugly.  You name it, I thought it was wrong with me.  My nose was too big, my uneven eyes, my disproportionate hips, my love handles, my messed up teeth, etc.  I thought God had made me ugly in order to teach me in that particular way.  

“Woman Alone"Picture from Live Action Blog

I remember nights asking why did you make me like this? Why didn’t you make me at least tolerable? I wanted to marry a Christian man and take on the world together for Christ and teach our children about Christ, but how was that going to happen if I couldn’t get one to pay attention to me?  I knew I wasn’t supposed to flaunt myself and throw myself on everyone, the man was supposed to lead, but there wasn’t a Christian man wanting to lead.

And thats when God said to me “You are absolutely beautiful my darling with no imperfection in you." (Songs of Solomon 4:7) “He will exult over you with loud singing” (Zephaniah 3:17) “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalms 139:14) God is the perfect lover of my soul, not just a fatherly love but lover.  I’d seen God as intimate but not that intimate; it honestly kind of scared me and it was hard to grasp at first.  I was starting to understand His love for me and it is patient, kind, not boastful, basically all the things of 1 Corinthians 13 neither you or me will ever be.

I thank God for allowing me to learn this way(now) because it taught me a lot about root desires of a woman.  I was wanting to be desired, I wanted someone to choose me and call me beautiful.  I wanted someone to be able to fight for me and push past my awkwardness.  Isn’t that what we all want is someone to call us beautiful and say “you are mine.”  That we are never too much or never not enough.  Thats why so many girls give themselves away and suffer through horrible relationships or fall into destructive habits.   God is the answer to all of these things, you are not only His daughter but lover.  How in the world do you think they came up with the “He has to love you through God’s eyes;” because God is your lover!! Face it as awkward as it seems at first, it is allowing God to meet you on all levels and that’s all He wants to do is to have and to know all of you.

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
 he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.” 
Isaiah 43:1