Art of Attraction

So you like someone and you want them to like you, am I right?  That’s why you clicked on this page. Or you are just wanting to know who I like and how I'm trying to catch his eye; either way you are here now so you might as well keep reading.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/crushes.html

I’ve liked a few guys in my day despite my unchanging single status, so I’ve learned a few things. One of those things is convictions on the art of attraction.

We live in the 21st century where the "there is no need to wait" mentality dominates our culture.  Dating is no exception.  More and more I am asked:

“Why don’t you just ask the guy out, it is the 21st century,”
“Maybe if you showed a little more interest,”
“You should tell more people so it can get back to him,”
“I can put in a good word for you."
"Why don't you just tell him."
"Flirt more."
"Where's your game?"

Do this do that, on an on; all these things that are telling me to change my game.

Now when people tell you these things they are honestly just trying to help you out and get you in the relationship that "should" make you happy. However when I look at this list and the mind set they were said in there are two things wrong with it.  The first is that you need to get in a relationship with this guy because that's the whole reason of liking someone.  The second is that you need to do something different in order for this to work out.

http://aboutworldlanguages.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/learn-685x317.jpg

Let's first address the idea you must date the person you like.  Have you ever thought maybe you are supposed to like the guy just to learn something about God?  Would you be content if you never dated your crush but learned a new aspect of God?  I'm not talking about eventual contentment after said crush is over, but while you are in the midst of the crush.  I'm learning about this concept right now in what seems to be a one sided attraction of mine.  He is different than my typical type and therefore God is clearly pointing me to a new concept that I wasn't grasping before.  I honestly couldn't have picked him as the guy I would like, but it jumped up and surprised me before I even knew what was going on.  What am I learning about God and myself in this is that I like this guy because he genuinely makes me a better, well for lack of a better word, 'me' in Christ.  He cannot only lead me, but in a way that best grows me.  Before, I tended to drift to the natural Christian leaders who were the coolest guys in the room and really high on the go getter attitude, which isn't a bad thing it just wasn't the best thing.  I thrive from being asked in and served and that's what I need in a relationship is a leader who is going to do those things.  So I might not ever date this guy, but I learned that for God to best be glorified in any relationship of mine I need this natural encourager.  And who knows I might have to go through liking 10 more guys before I'm done learning about what kind of relationship is going to create the most glorifying situation and still end up called to singleness. That doesn't change that God is still good and that he should be sought first in every situation.

The second is changing how you act.  Most people will tell you to be extra encouraging or be extra this or that, but I'm saying stop trying so hard. You are probably thinking "come on Madison, how can we ever get married if we don't give the men encouragement?"  You know what I say to this question... whose hands are you leaving your future in with a statement like that? "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding"(Proverbs 3), ever hear that one? Try actually walking in it because its tough (and I am awful at it)! But that's exactly what this is about, giving God control; and that the upping the encouragement concept completely defeats the point. I'm not asking you to change your personality completely and I'm not asking you to not like someone; what I am asking you to do is to check yourself and your intentions. Enjoy the times when you are around your crush and be yourself, sometimes there is natural encouragement in those things. If you are like me and you have a hard time showing anything at all, be that! You were designed to be unwavering around your crush because God is going to use that characteristic for you, not against you. Maybe its even to challenge the men around you to step up in the uncertainty.  Stop over thinking, over acting, over saying and just start praying.  (If you tend to shut down and don't trust your personality then that's another issue that will be covered in the future.  That's when you need to trust that you aren't stupid or going to do something stupid because God has created wonderfully.)  And if he isn't encouraging you in what you are doing, but causing you to be embarrassed, then he clearly isn't making you out to be a better woman of God.

I don't want to be in a relationship down the road and see that it started from one of these suggestions. This list is making me out to be a different person than I am and allowing my manipulative sinful side to take over.  The fall of man happened when Eve manipulated the situation and Adam was passive; so let's change the culture with us women stopping the manipulation and that requires the guys to be more active. The ultimate take away is this: that it is all about God anyways and so whatever you do needs to be done for his glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), whether you end up dating or not.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?
Or am I trying to please man?
If I were still trying to please man,
I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10